The inspiration for this article arrived unexpectedly at 4:30 this morning when I woke up and could not get back to sleep (the joys of perimenopause).
Like many people do when they are tired and restless, I find myself doomscrolling. My feed is full of distressing news stories, global conflict, and increasingly unsettling headlines. At the moment, there is also a surge of media coverage around the Epstein files, which feels difficult to avoid.
As I sit there taking in wave after wave of difficult information, I notice something that mirrors what I often hear from clients: the world feels chaotic, dark, and overwhelming. Things feel out of control.
It reminds me how easy it is, when the world feels uncertain, to turn that pressure inward and expect ourselves to somehow hold everything together perfectly.
This moment reinforces something I see repeatedly in therapy: the quiet but powerful importance of humility.
Humility is often misunderstood. It is not about putting yourself down or believing you are not good enough.
Humility is recognising that you are a fallible human being just like every other human being on the planet.
No one gets everything right all the time. Not in relationships. Not in parenting. Not in work. Not in life.
In therapy, I often encourage clients not to aim for perfection. Instead, I encourage them to aim to be the best version of themselves that they can realistically be.
Part of becoming that version of yourself means accepting that mistakes will happen. Because they will. For all of us.
Trying to be perfect often increases anxiety, shame, and self-criticism. Humility helps soften that pressure. It allows space to say:
“I am doing the best I can with what I know right now.”
That is not giving up. That is emotional steadiness.
Many people experience mistakes as something they must avoid at all costs. In reality, mistakes are one of the main ways human beings learn and grow.
Research into growth mindset shows that people who view mistakes as opportunities for learning tend to be more resilient and emotionally flexible. When we believe we can grow and develop over time, setbacks become information rather than failure.
Humility makes this possible.
It allows you to:
Without humility, people can become trapped in defensive patterns, avoiding responsibility, repeating behaviours, or becoming stuck in harsh self-criticism. This can feel like being on a hamster wheel where nothing really changes.
Humility helps people step out of those cycles and move forward.
Another deeply freeing part of humility is recognising the limits of what we can know.
None of us will ever fully understand the world. We are shaped by our experiences, upbringing, culture, environment, and the information available to us. Human thinking is also influenced by bias, perception, and social context.
Accepting this is not an admission of failure or lack of intelligence. It is an acknowledgement of how complex life really is.
There is an important difference between:
The first is part of being human.
The second often keeps people stuck repeating the same difficulties.
Humility allows us to stay curious, reflective, and open to growth.
Some people worry that giving themselves more understanding means avoiding responsibility. In reality, the opposite is true.
When people can acknowledge mistakes without overwhelming shame, they are usually more able to take accountability and make meaningful change.
Humility does not remove responsibility. It makes responsibility safer to face.
It allows people to say:
“I can own this, learn from this, and still accept myself as a human being.”
This balance between accountability and self-compassion is strongly linked to emotional wellbeing and healthier relationships.
Modern life places enormous pressure on people to perform, succeed, and appear certain even when life itself feels uncertain.
Humility creates breathing room. It allows you to pause and recognise:
“I am doing the best I can with the knowledge and resources I have right now.”
For many people, this reduces anxiety, softens perfectionism, and supports emotional resilience. It allows people to stay engaged with life rather than becoming paralysed by fear of getting things wrong.
You do not need to be perfect to live a meaningful or responsible life.
You only need to remain willing to:
Humility is not weakness. It is a steady and courageous way of being human in a complex and uncertain world.
If you notice that perfectionism, fear of making mistakes, or difficulty coping with uncertainty is affecting your wellbeing, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to explore these experiences.
You are welcome to get in touch if you would like to explore this further.
Dweck, C. – Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
Neff, K. – Self-Compassion Research
Hewitt & Flett – Perfectionism Research
Tangney – Research on Humility and Psychological Health
