One of the most common questions clients bring into therapy is:
“How do I know if I’m genuinely unsafe… or just uncomfortable?”
Your body can send similar signals in both situations, such as tightness, adrenaline, and a desire to pull away, but the meaning behind those sensations is very different. Learning to tell the difference between squirmy and unsafe is a crucial part of rebuilding self‑trust.
“Squirmy” is the internal wriggle that shows up when you’re:
Squirmy is discomfort, not danger. It’s your nervous system saying:
“This is unfamiliar… but not harmful.”
Psychologically, squirmy signals often show up when your growth edge is activated, when old beliefs about yourself are being challenged, or your comfort zone is expanding.
Personal Insight: I often tell clients that squirmy is growth, while unsafe is danger. For me personally, I notice squirmy when I delegate tasks instead of doing everything myself, or when I set a healthy boundary instead of defaulting to people-pleasing. That feeling is intense, almost like a wriggle under my skin, I want to shake off, but it doesn’t feel unsafe. It’s the nervous system noticing change, telling me: “You’re evolving; this is new.”
Mini Exercise: When you notice squirmy feelings, pause and label them: “This is discomfort, not danger.” Take three slow breaths and notice how your body responds. Over time, this practice strengthens your internal map of safety.
Unsafe is your body trying to protect you from:
Unsafe is your nervous system saying:
“This reminds me of something that hurt me before.”
Unsafe situations shrink you. They silence you. They make you feel small or powerless.
Personal Insight: I distinguish unsafe from squirmy by noticing my body. Unsafe feels heavy and dark, like my heart drops into my stomach, a sense of doom washing over me. Squirmy, in contrast, is uncomfortable but almost playful. I can still function and move, but I feel that internal wriggle of growth. That awareness has helped me make clearer choices in relationships and boundaries. For instance, noticing squirmy allowed me to delegate more in life and accept help for growth without danger.
Tip: Notice if your body wants to pull away, tense, or freeze — these are protective signals, not something to override.
If you grew up in chaos, criticism, or emotional unpredictability, your nervous system learned to survive by constantly scanning for danger. That means:
Your body isn’t wrong — it’s using an old map. Healing is about updating that map.
Reflective Prompt: Think of a moment recently when you felt uneasy around kindness or attention. Could this be your nervous system scanning for past danger?
Ask yourself:
Mini Exercise: When unsure, write down your thoughts in two columns: squirmy vs unsafe. Seeing it on paper often clarifies your internal signals.
In the therapy room, we can explore:
Therapy becomes a space where you can experiment with being seen, honest, and yourself without punishment or pressure.
If you’ve spent years in survival mode, safety won’t feel like safety at first. It will feel unfamiliar. It will feel strange. It will feel… squirmy.
And that’s okay.
Squirmy is often the doorway to the life you’ve been trying to build. Unsafe is the signal to step back.
Learning the difference is not about perfection; it’s about compassion, curiosity, and slowly rebuilding trust in your own body.
