One of the most common questions clients bring into therapy is:
“How do I know if I’m genuinely unsafe… or just uncomfortable?”
Your body can send similar signals in both situations — tightness, adrenaline, a desire to pull away — but the meaning behind those sensations is very different. Learning to tell the difference between squirmy and unsafe is a crucial part of rebuilding self‑trust.
“Squirmy” is the internal wriggle that shows up when you’re:
Squirmy is discomfort, not danger.
It’s your nervous system saying: “This is unfamiliar… but not harmful.”
It often appears when you’re growing, stretching, or challenging old beliefs about yourself.
Unsafe is your body trying to protect you from:
Unsafe is your nervous system saying: “This reminds me of something that hurt me before.”
Unsafe situations shrink you. They silence you. They make you feel small or powerless.
If you grew up in chaos, criticism, or emotional unpredictability, your nervous system learned to survive by scanning for danger constantly. That means:
Your body isn’t wrong — it’s using an old map. Healing is about updating that map.
Ask yourself:
Growth feels stretchy. Danger feels constricting.
Squirmy often shows up when you’re emotionally visible.
If the reaction feels bigger than the moment, it may be an old wound speaking.
Respect = squirmy. Disrespect = unsafe.
Distance brings clarity.
In the therapy room, we can explore:
Understanding your body’s cues and patterns so you can recognise what’s happening in real time.
Learning techniques that help you regulate your body when discomfort or fear shows up.
Gently reconnecting you with your instincts so you can tell the difference between old fear and present‑day truth.
Practising how to set boundaries in ways that feel safe, kind, and authentic.
Exploring where your fear of judgement, rejection, or conflict originated and how to loosen its grip.
Creating a more accurate sense of what safety feels like, so you can recognise healthy relationships and environments.
Therapy becomes a space where you can experiment with being seen, being honest, and being yourself without punishment or pressure.
If you’ve spent years in survival mode, safety won’t feel like safety at first. It will feel unfamiliar. It will feel strange. It will feel… squirmy.
And that’s okay.
Squirmy is often the doorway to the life you’ve been trying to build. Unsafe is the signal to step back.
Learning the difference is not about perfection; it’s about compassion, curiosity, and slowly rebuilding trust in your own body.
